Guest Post – The Cerne Abbas Giant…
For the first time ever, we here in the golembunker are handing over content control to our very first guest author! Tom from over at iambevan.com was recently taking in some of Britain’s most historic and monolithic monuments and has taken the time to share his rather unique thoughts on the matter… Thanks Tom!
FACT or FICTION
The Cerne Abbas Giant…
1: The Romans, on discovering it, found it a tad to rude for their European tastes and had his massive erect penis shortened for modesty’s sake… nice huh, let’s all think a moment, of those brave invading Romans in a hostile country, laying eyes on the stark form of a naked giant on the hillside… he he he he… oh the comedy sketches are endless! Then again, some say the Victorians did that too… maybe they both did. Maybe Iron Age Britons were truly Iron Age wonders of the world!
2: It’s actually the markings of the grave of an invading giant from Denmark, which was beheaded and buried on its site… YES!!!! COOL!!! In your face boring folly folk! A beheaded giant! Slain by whom do we ask? And how? Were there hordes of angry villagers taking him down through weight of numbers or was he slain by a single warrior of renown, clag in gilt armour and wielding finely honed weaponry? But isn’t that a cool reason? Further still, on dark nights, his zombie corps marches forth to slake his thirst in the streams nearby! Not even the Pyramids have a cool reason like that! They’re just launch pads for aliens or something silly!
3: To support the ‘folly’ cynics, some believe it was made by royalists during the civil war as a mockery of Cromwell, labelled mockingly as ‘England’s Hercules’… yawn…
4: To confuse issues, some people think it is actually a picture of the actual Hercules made by culty Romans when they arrived
5: It’s a massive fertility charm! Sweet… Childless couples still visit it today, and it’s said to sleep on the giant is basically a giant great big rubber stamp from god that you’re going to get knocked up. To further this, there are in fact records of maypole dances around various parts of his manhood in aid to further fertilise the childless couples of the area. Isn’t paganism great!
or 6: It’s actually the blue print god drew first to make Adam from… sort of a rough sketch if you please. But that’s just plain silly.
So there you have it, take your pick. Now lets face it, no one will ever know why or who made it, so lets make do with picking a good reason, that makes peoples eyes widen and smile in wonder and embrace our folklore! Let none of this silly cynicism wash the childlike wonder we have for the unexplained that can’t hurt any to believe in!
If you’d like to subit your own piece to the blog or have something you want to share with the rest of us, we would love to hear from you. There will soon be a submission form up at the top to help with that. o/